For anyone being ordained, taking up their first post or moving to a new church, this realistic and entertaining guide of what you are likely to run into (which you learned nothing about in your training) will be the friend you need. It recounts real-life happenings and offers friendly advice on dealing with the realities of parish life. Chapters include: - Things aren’t what they seem – the congregation turns out not to be so uniformly warm and welcoming as described and the accounts don’t tell the whole story… now what? - We all fall down –the building has problems and you haveto step up to being the fabric expert – welcome to the club. - We all build up – everyone wants more flexible church space but change means architects, faculties, dodgy decorators and angry neighbours – how to deal with these. - The joy of sex in church – the skills you need to manage wildly differing opinions. - Opening up to the community – the opportunities, the risks, the mountains of donations that no-one actually wants. - Doorstep discoveries – vicarage life and what to do when a lorry arrives with two tons of yogurt drink for your food bank, or a parishioner dumps the contents of their fridge because they’re going on holiday … and much more.